

Barbershop: A Short Story (re)Imagining Community-Based Interventions
Author’s Note: Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It means the world to me that you’ve shared in this vision of reimagining...
Mar 1118 min read


“It Ain’t Safe, It Ain’t Safe”: Community Violence, Perceptions of Safety, and Systemic and State Harm in Black Communities
DISCLAIMER: In writing this piece, I utilized AI assistance (ChatGPT) to help revise and generate additional ideas for clarity and...
Dec 28, 20246 min read


My Tiny Griefs & Me: Lessons Learned in Year 2 of Grieving
Writer’s Note: I don’t see a lot of Black people holding space for (or writing about) mourning. They’re a lot of white grief therapists...
Apr 21, 20247 min read







![end of the month dump. october 2025. 🗓️
(this is your sign to never hesitate sending me what’s bringing you joy. i’ll spread it here [with your consent of course]. together, we’ll shed it here. “it” being all the turmoil, uncertainty, and chaos we think we won’t make it through. but we will. we always have.)
🧡
Dates: 2025-10-01 to 2025-10-31
#archive](https://scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.82787-15/572374606_18548337346002635_5791116277249583712_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_tt6&_nc_cat=111&ccb=7-5&_nc_sid=18de74&efg=eyJlZmdfdGFnIjoiQ0FST1VTRUxfSVRFTS5iZXN0X2ltYWdlX3VybGdlbi5DMyJ9&_nc_ohc=QOadqTnF6ckQ7kNvwEdSH4P&_nc_oc=AdkfvNG3am6ikyZwzklU7iuM6JVcdS0KkHoNpJMXNKywq135KJ-89XZvHhH1yyNL5pY&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&_nc_gid=DqOhuHr2C4J6VvuKUhs0Og&oh=00_Afi0WnhkrV-BU8MnspJNFW4Xnmge3MtXnNRHTVenHy3tmQ&oe=6932B1B3)

![[LINK IN MY BIO]
This one might be too spicy for the saints. Too steamy. Too unruly, hellish, ungodly. But for the sinners like me…the soul-searchers, the safety-keepers, the freedom-seekers? This is for you. For us.
When I write like this…when I write into the very things that are deeply felt, personal, and urgent…I write not just for others and Black womxn…but I write…for me. And it is not easy. While it is soul-moving, stirring, and freeing. I must name…that it is also frightening, terrifying, unearthing. Leaving me inspired and full, yet often anxious, exposed, and so vulnerable. 🥹
But. Here we are.
In collaboration with Dr. Yamicia Connor, MD, PhD, MPH, founder of Diosa Ara, and The Labora Collective, I present + wrote…”The Secret Lives of Wannabe Wayward Women: Tells, Tales, & Ways We Grow Into Pleasure” (a nod + homage to “The Secret Lives of Church Ladies by Deesha Philyaw, “The Sex Lives of African Women” by Nana Sekyiamah, and “Wayward Lives, Beautiful Experiments: Intimate Histories of Riotous Black Girls, Troublesome Makers, and Queer Radicals” by Saidiya Hartman).
In this essay, I weave my “tells” with “tales” of women who dare to unbox their lives by following freedom, what feels good, and claiming everyday joy. In it, I hope I put forth stories and strategies for Black womxn everywhere to nurture a kind pleasure that doesn’t solely depend on the scripts of (often heteronormative) romance. I hope it’s a map that is somewhat of a fugitive geography of joy, reclamation, and actually…the very holy, unruly work of learning how to love ourselves…and pleasure…without apology.
I hope…it’s erotic asf. And always, my God, I hope you feel it.
Enjoy.
Yours in Pleasure,
Adia 🤎](https://scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.82787-15/568497453_18546790303002635_4148471259079500095_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_tt6&_nc_cat=107&ccb=7-5&_nc_sid=18de74&efg=eyJlZmdfdGFnIjoiQ0FST1VTRUxfSVRFTS5iZXN0X2ltYWdlX3VybGdlbi5DMyJ9&_nc_ohc=llNWXwS04HgQ7kNvwH3_kQc&_nc_oc=AdnRYgw5u064Bhcly5O6X1x0yoW9okNoTZ_EGqy14vDIFFGLu_Qvr8uSI-SGq4TF-Ew&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&_nc_gid=DqOhuHr2C4J6VvuKUhs0Og&oh=00_Afjfd3Z-IO20a4fK866aRb2rzvNU_0KtgA13BoaLUMIPRQ&oe=6932B248)







![[LATE POST]
“travelin’…i don’t know why im here.”- miles caton, alvin youngblood, and ludwig göransson 🖤
some time ago, my mama told me she was talking to my aunt. auntie said she saw i’d hop on a plane somewhere else and proceeded to tell my mom, “one thing about adia…she not about to wait on nobody. she’s gonna go and live her life.”
auntie couldn’t be more right.
im gonna go. im gonna live.
im gonna breathe deep. remind myself im fully alive. and, above all, im gonna let each journey… teach me something. remind me where ive been, where ive gone, where i am, and where…im straying.
but if im not careful, im learning my travels can sometimes be nothing more than a frivolous attempt at indulging escapism. leaving to avoid where i’ve neglected to infuse joy + pleasure in my everyday reality. leaving to avoid lacking boundaries. leaving…me.
this journey was supposed to be a “work” trip…and some of it was. but, more “work” wasn’t what i needed really. i needed gratitude, ego-checking, humbling, and the reminder that my life…all of my life…is already beautiful. and at the top of my to-do list…is always gon be me. im the first person im gonna please. 💁🏾♀️
so. i skipped the work/conference 🤷🏾♀️🤸🏾♀️ and i grabbed tacos, ease, rest, and views of palm trees instead.
thanks, cali. 💋
#freedom #travel #travelgram #blackgirlstravel #californiatravels #anaheim](https://scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.82787-15/523862679_18527655505002635_6130737553814239381_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_tt6&_nc_cat=101&ccb=7-5&_nc_sid=18de74&efg=eyJlZmdfdGFnIjoiQ0xJUFMuYmVzdF9pbWFnZV91cmxnZW4uQzMifQ%3D%3D&_nc_ohc=XzST7K7UiPQQ7kNvwEZLvDy&_nc_oc=Adk0wZFNSPUnstVp8Hpg6K2SZwRS07AE-6SeyK8LvXw8-EdlUCrhhVx0br8StTDSjj4&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&_nc_gid=DqOhuHr2C4J6VvuKUhs0Og&oh=00_AfjIHmywm-Bp7vAaqwl3P_PklU0h4cYIYgm6fYTkK-oS6g&oe=6932A65A)




![[LATE POST]
a few words for juneteenth…and a lot of Black things. 💚❤️🖤
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late. but better late than never. and? more free than ever.
what makes you feel free?
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donate (what you can) when it resonates and support my writing and content at ko-fi.com/adiarlouden. Link in bio.
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Pictures Sourced via Pinterest.](https://scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.75761-15/498616952_18522234517002635_8940999933554502445_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_tt6&_nc_cat=109&ccb=7-5&_nc_sid=18de74&efg=eyJlZmdfdGFnIjoiQ0FST1VTRUxfSVRFTS5iZXN0X2ltYWdlX3VybGdlbi5DMyJ9&_nc_ohc=Aq9ABkJPHyoQ7kNvwGxxVIM&_nc_oc=AdnIdvwkYxu2KslyCNXdG61uMIwkDt8Np3m_rJAXg6r6JZHT3Jg7RwRryLY-BEr0Zw8&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&_nc_gid=DqOhuHr2C4J6VvuKUhs0Og&oh=00_AfgzR0zqJFTnVUn4v9nlOlMkBGJ72SRFN9MGj-pbTaHCgA&oe=6932B025)

![[LATE POST]
feat. thee main character-yall fav Nana-me, and my safety 🏡🥹🩵
pov: it’s 2025 & you’re still just a carolina girl playin lil brod like it’s 2009.
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as i’m now doing research and telling stories working to understand black folx definitions of safety and what that means especially growing up in the south in this country…i have no choice but to sit with my own reflections from my childhood. my own current definitions. and how and where…my work all started. home.
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they say home is where the heart is. and that’s true.
and? home is where my safety is.
it’s home.
right now? home makes me feel safe.
right with my nana.
right with my blood and chosen family.
right in the center of south carolina with all my family’s history, stories, ancestral energy, and true peace…that everything truly…will be okay.
home is always the balm i need when i’ve been hurrying too much, forgetting myself, and/or leaving my breath behind.
the comforts of what once was…allows me to forget, at least for a moment, what currently is.
the familiarity of my youth keeps me grounded in who i really am at my core. what I’ve been through. and how far i’ve come.
they say home is where the heart is.
but it’s where the healing is, too.
#freedom #travelgram #solotravel #blackgirlstravel #safety #southernusa #southcarolina #carolina](https://scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.75761-15/504604399_18520080142002635_6350336609390200342_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_tt6&_nc_cat=101&ccb=7-5&_nc_sid=18de74&efg=eyJlZmdfdGFnIjoiQ0xJUFMuYmVzdF9pbWFnZV91cmxnZW4uQzMifQ%3D%3D&_nc_ohc=EvR91eyUxo8Q7kNvwEX_Tj_&_nc_oc=Adnzv0mT-xOTQvwkMBOv-ZQf2EhYV0BeVDJ-oUIVI2h6nlQNtx1EyxKC-ya9kRRVXAk&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&_nc_gid=DqOhuHr2C4J6VvuKUhs0Og&oh=00_AfjWj2v4tQmHZLETkFS0Yk4nyVvvIC0VyGDAsVG3sMi8qA&oe=69329FE2)














![[BONUS POST]
ok, let’s talk fr. about confidence. cause i’ve been thinking a lot about the word actually. and the feeling of self-assurance we’re “supposed” to have. and how that shit is actually…NOT easy. how it isn’t this switch you flip on. but the world will have you thinking…either you have it...or you don’t. like, much like everything else,…there’s no in-between. no room for the struggle of building it. no room for the battle scars that may come with it. you’re damned if you don’t have it. and if you do have it? ESPECIALLY if you’re a (self-identifying) Black woman…you’re too much.
as you walk, stumble, and fight your way through and to “confidence”…believe in yourself. believe in your beauty. and when all that feels impossible… believe you’ll keep trying.
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donate (what you can) when it resonates and support my writing and content at ko-fi.com/adiarlouden. Link in bio.
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#igdaily #wordstoliveby #blackwomen #healingjourney #selflove #confidence #confident #affirmations](https://scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.75761-15/486454710_18504038818002635_8467002953409681870_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_tt6&_nc_cat=111&ccb=7-5&_nc_sid=18de74&efg=eyJlZmdfdGFnIjoiQ0FST1VTRUxfSVRFTS5iZXN0X2ltYWdlX3VybGdlbi5DMyJ9&_nc_ohc=eN54WCWun2MQ7kNvwHGs4ei&_nc_oc=AdmITcyn6pT9kHkw2BLaEzC93wASAIkFgW22m1u0RoOKAm_oG1g3UAKFM8j-7bYxr0I&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&_nc_gid=DqOhuHr2C4J6VvuKUhs0Og&oh=00_Afi_1TymHoqtVeigEvMUqJKY93ustaKZNzsWdFfjUDZvJg&oe=6932B78A)

![✨ weekly post...but make it a mood board. and take it from my journal entry. ✍🏾
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in a recent session with my therapist, she asked me a question- how old were you when you felt like you got all these messages from the world?
i said...11 or 12.
right now...when i think of 11 and 12 year old me...i think of the time i got fooled after school into thinking this boy...[redacted]...really liked me. it ended up being a prank. but...it stuck. it’s still...been here with me. i think...that’s when i really knew...i wasn’t pretty. i’m not an image of beauty... in the conventional sense. or in the...hayden panettiere-kim kardashian-beyonce-rihanna-celebrity-ig model-influencer-fitspiration- kind of pretty... and any and every other thing and body i’ve been warped into pining after.
it’s also when i knew...i needed the world...my world...to tell me otherwise.
so. i picked up the ball.
i picked up the ball that america rolled my way...with all it’s messages about beauty, achievement, and intellect...and i carried it with me ever since.
sometimes it rolled right over me. often, it was heavy. but most times?
most times...i leaned on it. i leaned on it something fierce. in fear that if i let go...if i lost control of it...i wouldn’t know what i’d be. who i’d be.
and ultimately? ... i wouldn’t be accepted. i’d be rejected...again.
but it’s time to roll that sh*t back now. i’ve been working on letting that sh*t roll by me. or at the very least...i’m continuing to work on how much i pick it up. because in a world hyper-obsessed with defining work, wealth, bodies, and identities...the only pronouns i need ascribed to me, as best and memorably said by @_tbross , is...
“she/her/bad bitch.” respectfully. 😘
#women #blackwomen #girlpower #womenempowerment #words #freedom #instawriters #blackwomenwriting #selflovematters #selflovejourney #affirmations #youdeserve #confidence #healingvibes](https://scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.75761-15/484069352_18502494295002635_5725519877754071922_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_tt6&_nc_cat=107&ccb=7-5&_nc_sid=18de74&efg=eyJlZmdfdGFnIjoiQ0FST1VTRUxfSVRFTS5iZXN0X2ltYWdlX3VybGdlbi5DMyJ9&_nc_ohc=ILu4kqWzTa0Q7kNvwFDT933&_nc_oc=AdkG-QqwBCzymd9F6KNpWPZR5czikyP0Whd0Uzcwwdy9zpYz_h6zd_wJ3D54F8wNiN0&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&_nc_gid=DqOhuHr2C4J6VvuKUhs0Og&oh=00_Afhd7fZEW1SZJS9YuloQoyTGwoztTMPWSJhL5FHmgofh6A&oe=6932B704)


![[BONUS POST]
✨just another reminder✨
are you struggling with letting life just happen to you? are you suffering...because you’re not using your voice?
may this find you in your truth...that you can speak up for you. you can live for you. and disregard anything and everything...that’ll make you believe this isn’t true.
may your “no”s be just as full-body, firm, and free as your “yes”s.
may you have active and intentional agency.
#freedom #instawriters #wordsgram #selfhealing #youdeserve](https://scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.75761-15/482398229_18499247335002635_958659838149539998_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_tt6&_nc_cat=102&ccb=7-5&_nc_sid=18de74&efg=eyJlZmdfdGFnIjoiQ0FST1VTRUxfSVRFTS5iZXN0X2ltYWdlX3VybGdlbi5DMyJ9&_nc_ohc=jWgEooHQzFwQ7kNvwFw3eEm&_nc_oc=AdmR8mg4dOhAhzeDyj_JQc14d3z4hT4-hD1wTwStz-QBR4gbGPChFE2h9L1bEnTB3vg&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&_nc_gid=DqOhuHr2C4J6VvuKUhs0Og&oh=00_Afgo1iUSVQKipU5Ex0G6T_XGy0PQ30Sl6Y6Q_sS4hk-ttQ&oe=6932BBEF)










![[BONUS POST]
✨ just a reminder ✨
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the year is still young. and so are y(our) possibilities. let this be a gentle nudge to all of us (including myself) to breathe. to take y(our) time. and to trust y(our) journeys. the only price freedom and fulfillment need to come at…is intention. and slow living.
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slow and steady can win the race. just as long as we’re moving forward. allow yourself the pace you need…to keep on moving. 💛
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#instalove #writersofig #healing #blackwomenwriting #healing #liberation](https://scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t51.75761-15/474213810_18491737813002635_6815510892164065374_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_e35_tt6&_nc_cat=100&ccb=7-5&_nc_sid=18de74&efg=eyJlZmdfdGFnIjoiQ0FST1VTRUxfSVRFTS5iZXN0X2ltYWdlX3VybGdlbi5DMyJ9&_nc_ohc=ELovpzjx-KwQ7kNvwHVHuaA&_nc_oc=AdnCPxU-aaqCG5fq3XJWeCF57_GItdxNusma-mtEIqb6da2zvZOw0socOVM9kpkNFag&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-den2-1.cdninstagram.com&edm=ANo9K5cEAAAA&_nc_gid=DqOhuHr2C4J6VvuKUhs0Og&oh=00_AfitP1l6HL83uoegtti0P88hr-PY3PVdBI2rdTy7MxdMCg&oe=6932BFC8)